Hot Fuzz

20/12/12

First of all apologies for the infrequent updates, GA lovingly typed out his recollections of the last week or so for over an hour only for technological issues to delete much of his fine work. 

In an attempt to recreate our marginally successful previous attempt at renting motorbikes we had our first run in with the law. The Hells Angels once again mounted their hogs (this time of the automatic variety to prevent a repeat of previous shenanigans) and rode back towards the same sand dunes we had visited a few days before. This time, before reaching our destination, GAG were flagged down by two serious looking Vietnamese men in uniform. Although at first unconvinced of whether these men were real police, the seriousness of the situation quickly became apparent at the sight of the World War 2 era revolver in the holster of one of the fuzz.

Communication was difficult since the po-po had only a limited grasp of English and by this stage GAG had not yet mastered Vietnamese (our vocabulary extending to approximately one word). It was fairly obvious that we were about to be strong-armed into handing over cash to pay off the increasingly less patient rozzers. The figure initially proposed by the police was 300,000 dong each, but through some well rehearsed haggling we managed to reduce the backhander to a more reasonable 200,000 dong each ($10). The reason behind this payment? Either the fact that we did not have vehicle registration documents on us or that we were unable to produce Vietnamese motorbike driving licenses; the exact reason remaining a mystery to us. Having paid off the men we were allowed back onto the road to finish our ride, although with a slightly bitter taste in the back of our mouths.


Viet Cong territory

21/12/12

We intended to leave the beaches of Mui Ne and head to the cooler mountainous territory of Dalat. So far no bus journey has gone without incident, and it was therefore no surprise when things took a turn for the worse on this one. Things got off to a bad start when we were moments away from leaving on a bus to Hanoi (a mistake that would have left us about 2000km further north than we should have been after a devastating 26 hour bus trip). Fortunately we picked up on our error and managed to get ourselves off the bus at the last minute. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for GR's bag. As the bus pulled away GR realised what was happening and had to sprint down the road to catch up with the bus whilst frantically pounding on its sides. In hindsight this was a spectacularly funny sight, but at the time neither GA or AT was laughing since if that bag had not been retrieved there and then, its unlikely that it would ever have be seen again.

Having reached Dalat and put our jumpers on to combat the cold (Dalat is about 1600m above sea-level) our second blunder dawned on us. We had given away our precious bus ticket to a man to get on the bus and had not taken it back. Nobody left on the bus had any idea what we were talking about when we questioned the employees, and it looked like we were all going to have to cough up another $40 each for new tickets. To be continued...


Gary Player

22/12/12

GAG are not easily disheartened, and despite the apparent set back of the day before we decided that the most sensible way to deal with the situation would be to embark on an all day bender, better known to some as a Gary Player (all dayer). Later that evening, despite being inebriated, we all headed down to the bus station to see if there had been any news on our lost ticket, something we all considered to be a longshot. Miraculously, as we approached the bus stop a minibus pulled in and as if on cue out jumped a man waving an envelope with our ticket in. GAG was flabbergasted and very relieved and decided that the best way to celebrate was to continue drinking heavily for the rest of the evening.


Easy Riders

23/12/12

Unfortunately the next day GAG had organised one of the rare occasions where alarms are set and we rise early to conduct various activities. After crawling out of bed dehydrated at the ludicrous hour of 8 in the morning we prepared for yet another day of motorbikes, this time as passengers on a tour of the local area with a group of locals known as the "Easy Riders". We were each given our own bike to ride pillion around the scenic and mountainous region of Dalat. Along the way we were treated to some of the local delicacies. Particular note should be made of the 'weasel poo coffee' (coffee beans having been passed through the back end of a weasel-esque creature before being placed in your drink), 'snake wine' (essentially a gallon sized jar filled with both vodka and a large dead snake), and 'rice wine' (a spirit made from fermented rice which we were reliably informed was as strong as 70%). We also saw our first dog meat; large skinned carcasses of cooked dog were offered to us but we decided that we had been cultural enough already that day and declined the offer. *Footnote - the weasel poo coffee was served with the breast milk of a Vietnamese women who watched with disappointment as we all opted to take the coffee black.

Despite taking these culinary punishments we had a very enjoyable day, making friends with our Vietnamese guides and exploring the landscape, which included taking a shower under a 70ft waterfall.



Hurtlocker part trois 

24/12/12

It was GR's turn to get into the hurtlocker. Similar to GA previously, GR's stomach had chosen the worst moment to rebel - just before a 5 hour bus journey to Nha Trang. Triggered by the catalyst of 3 large coconut cakes, GR suffered in admirable silence as the bus ploughed down the winding mountain roads (read dirt track) towards Nha Trang. Having arrived at the sandy beaches of Nha Trang GR quarantined himself in our chosen hotel room, effectively keeping the toilet on lockdown. This pattern was repeated over the next few days, in the meantime GA and AT took the opportunity to explore the local bars and clubs in a booze-clouded haze. Christmas eve saw some particularly rogue behaviour, none of which can be mentioned here...


A White Christmas

25/12/12

It was our intention to catch some Christmas snaps whilst posing on the white sands of Nha Trang in our swimming shorts and Santa hats but this intention was sunk by the debilitating hangovers suffered by AT and GA and the recurring gastrointestinal torture swallowing up GR. However, we did our best to keep things as Chirstmassy as possible, this was largely helped by a strong supply of decorations and scented candles provided by the festive AT. Christmas dinner consisted of cheese burgers and chocolate coins, a real seasonal and cultural treat.


A bit of a blur


Since Christmas, the GAG tour has largely consisted of beach time and beers whilst GR recovered control of his bodily functions (something which has mostly been achieved). A particular highlight occurred on 30/12/12 when GAG mounted the world's longest cable car over water to arrive at the resort of Vinpearl. Essentially a Vietnamese theme park but without a theme, GAG proceeded to heroically throw themselves at rides and waterslides despite the worryingly laissez-faire attitude given to health and safety by park's architects. GAG was also blown away by the free amusement arcade at Vinpearl. Popcorn in one hand and ice-cream in the other, GAG jumped on the bumper cars and produced a fine displace of unnecessary aggression and violence in their driving styles to dominate the dodgems and wipe the smiles off the other children happily enjoying their day out. A job well done.

GAG are now in their final preparations for tonight's new years party and we also plan to leave Nha Trang tomorrow for the equally hedonistic Hoi An. We will keep you updated.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.