Back in Bangkok once again, GAG world tour had to adjust to the introduction of a new world pack member: Ollies 'lobes' Paskins. Thus GAG has morphed into what can only now be described as GAGO.
OP was unfortunate to be making his grand entrance in Bangkok, a city which provided all the ingredients necessary for GAG to give OP a real baptism of fire in order to get him up to speed with the sort of behaviour and debauchery that he would quickly need to become accustomed to if he was to survive the following months. Up until now GAG worldtour had been a pleasant mix of relaxed local Asian culture (pagodas, temples, ancient cities) and a sprinkling of hedonism, but there was no point pretending that Southern Thailand would provide us within anything other than wild parties and extensive beach access. Before he knew it OP found himself sinking into the quagmire of the the seedy underbelly of the world's craziest city having a close run in with one of Bangkok's more ambiguously gendered townsfolk and trying some of the delicious local delicacies (skorpion skewers).
Immediately concerned for OP's health, GAGO made a quick escape from BKK and descended upon the first of the beautiful Thai islands: Koh Tao. On route OP experienced his first encounter with Asian transport on Davy Jones' hurt locker: a ferry to Koh Tao in abysmal weather which led to the ferry taking on the look and smell of a floating chunder bucket.
The Gods clearly felt sympathetic and blessed us with glorious weather and beaches for the next few days on the island which GAGO wisely used as a chance to detox and rest ahead of what we knew to be some heavy nights ahead. In essence GAGO was in rehab.
Koh Tao
The beach that GAGO had selected was fairly isolated and was visually stunning. However, upon hearing whispers of even more beautiful beaches on the island, GAGO did what any intelligent westerner should avoid and rented a moped each for 2 days of high speed exploring on Koh Tao's underdeveloped fourth-world road network. Believing this to be too mundane, GAGO attempted to add further danger by deciding to rent kyaks and paddling out to a rocky outcrop several hundred metres off the coast named affectionately by the locals as 'Shark Island' (due to the abundance of sharks in the area) and later took a swim with several space hopper sized jelly fish. GAGO had failed to conduct any research into the danger posed by these creatures, deciding instead that it would be more prudent to simply dismiss the suggestion of any danger at all and just hope for the best... something that we can confirm was successful on this occasion. Encouraged by the lack of injuries, after a couple of light shandies, it was decided as a group to turn the wick up on to 'turbo' by diving through a ring of fire at one of the beach parties. GAG successfully made it through unscathed but the same cannot be said for OP. Failing to gather the necessary speed or height, OP crashed through the fierry circle in an attempt to recreate the Luis Saurez dive. In doing so OP managed to catch his knee on fire which resulted in second degree burns. Our 'relaxing' few days on Koh Tao came to an end far too quickly as GAGO had a strict schedule to adhere to, notably the infamous full moon party on neighbouring Koh Phangnan.
Koh Phangnan
For weeks the talk of backpackers all over Asia had largely concerned either excitement over the next full moon party or outrageous stories of shenanigans at previous ones. Needless to say GAGO was chomping at the bit to get their taste of what is often billed as the best party on the planet. First however was the small occasion of GR's 23rd birthday. GR had demanded to have a birthday celebration which matched the brutality of GA's painful birthday 'party' a couple of weeks before. He was not disappointed as a hard day of bucket boozing commenced early in the morning and only relented after a particularly potent mystery drink which GR, OP and AT had lovingly sourced for him. The following days on the island shared a similar theme, with parties on the beaches and in the jungle going on until well past sunrise.
Koh Samui
GAGO was relieved to leave Koh Phangnan, our bodies may have been broken but out spirits remained as high as ever. It had been suggested that Samui might offer the a sanctuary for a bit of R&R but this naive mindset was soon torpedoed when GAGO had their first encounter with a flock of Swedish girls who somehow (?) had the ability to get GAGO back into bars and back into the familiar 'Phangnan' style routine. Since that fateful first Svenska evening, it became clear that Swedish girls would become GAGO's kryptonite, frequently foiling GAGO's numerous attempts to have a quiet night in.
Phuket and Koh Phi Phi
GAGO traversed the thin neck of Thailand to the western Andaman sea which astonishingly turned out to be even more beautiful than the stunning Gulf of Thailand. GAGO landed on Phuket to relax for a couple of days before heading over to Phi Phi, wisely avoiding the package holiday resort of Patong on Phuket which we knew to be as seedy as BKK. Unfortunately however for GA, having won a decisive game of 'fives' one evening in Phuket Town, an injury on a hostel balcony caused by broken glass and Swedish passion led to a fairly severe injury to his foot which would see him hobbling and hopping on one leg for the next month after he decided seeking immediate medical advice was not the best course of action.
Phi Phi was an experience that GAGO would never forget (actually in some respects this isn't true...). By this point of the trip GAGO had become so familiar with the backpacker staple diet of buckets of alcohol that OP even tried his hand (unsuccessfully) as a bucket salesman. Phi Phi is a tiny island with no roads, the only form of transport is by foot or, as preferred by the locals, by bicycle. However this required pushing the bike through the narrow alleys of Phi Phi by hand rather than actually riding it, an act which caused GAGO much confusion and frustration.
One of the highlights of Phi Phi was the all day long boat trip around the island through the turquoise waters and past white sandy beaches. One of these was named 'monkey beach', and although lacking originality like 'shark island' you certainly can't blame the Thai's for false advertising. Here AT attempted to befriend a fellow prime-ape by leaping around impersonating a deranged bonobo, something which unsurprisingly came naturally to him. This caused the monkeys much antagonism and they made it clear that GAGO, or rather AT himself, was not welcome and so we clambered back on board the boat. Next stop was Maya Bay, the famous location of the film 'The Beach' and later we had an 'exclusive' night time beach BBQ and party. On the way back from this BBQ GAGO had one of the most dangerous experiences of Thailand so far. The Thai driver of the long tail boat and clearly had 2 or 3 more buckets of alcohol than would normally be recommended before piloting a high speed boat. On a number of occasions the boat came extremely close to capsizing and the drunk captain struggled to control the vessel in the miniature waves and non-existent wind off Phi Phi. He then got lost, speeding out to sea into the darkness, apparently blind to the bright lights of the island only half a mile behind us. Back on course and clearly with renewed confidence the driver sped towards land but failed to see 4 large speed boats anchored close to shore. We crashed into one of the boats at high speed and amazingly didn't sink. At his second attempt to reach shore we became stuck on one of the lines used by the speed boats to anchor them to the sea bed. We eventually made it back to shore in one piece, all of us relieved to have done so.
